Wow! This year is going to be good! I am going to be such an excellent person this year.
This year is the one in which I turn thirty, so it has to be magnificent. I am going to be thin and well-dressed. Busy but not stressed. (Rhyming but not all the time.) I am going to wear just the right amount of make up and only drink up until the point just before I start to have very strong opinions about everyone else's life. I am going to achieve quite staggering amounts of stuff, including, but not exclusively, world peace. I am going to stop hating my speaking voice. I am going to stop worrying about everything. I am going to stop grinding my teeth and inspecting my profile woefully. I will go to bed at a reasonable hour. I will do exercise. I will be insufferably zen. All my relationships will be honest and not alcohol-dependent.
Imagine how annoyingly confident I am going to become! Sure, I will lose friends. Yes, you will hate me and want to kick me in my toned shins (can shins be toned?) (mine will be!). I will begin to have normal pastimes instead of my current ones ("Imaginary Counting" is the best - you sit on public transport and pretend to be counting stuff on your fingers, but really you aren't counting anything! Ha ha! Everyone is always fooled.)
And wow, my productivity. We haven't even touched on that yet but it is going to be through the ROOF, my friends. So far through the roof that the roof will look like a tiny ant roof from where my productivity will be. And I will not mind failure. Not this year. I will learn from my mistakes, have some green tea and reflect on things, pausing only to jot something profound in my recycled notebook with the pen that I will keep on me at all times. Then I will practice my cello and go to a life-drawing class.
I will not eat crisps, even in secret.
I bet you're going to have this sort of year, too. See you at yoga!