I meander. Yes, I do.
I have an appointment with a cognitive behavioural therapist next Tuesday.
The only reason I'm going is so that if someone asks me to do something on that day, or asks me what I am planning for my evening, I can off-handedly say "Well, I'm seeing my therapist at six..." and I'll look all grown up.
Or mental, one of the two.
Because, to be honest, although I am feeling fine about the specifics of breaking up with what's-his-name, I am feeling rubbish in general and it isn't going away.
It annoys me because it makes my blog boring.
So I have decided to do a meme. That one that everyone else in the world did ages ago.
Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Travel more
2. Peform my own songs, for a living
3. Fall in love again
4. Tidy my room (I have been attempting this for a few weeks now, but to no avail, so I have decided to set myself a nice, easy deadline for it) (Deadline, as a word in this context? A little sick, perhaps)
5. Live in at least two other countries
6. Perform some sort of burlesque
7. Be happy for an extended period of time (read: more than the time it takes to eat a packet of Brannigan's Roast Beef and Mustard crisps)
Seven Things I Cannot Do:
2. Relax very well
3. Compromise my ambitions
4. Abide bigotry
5. Force myself out of holding grudges
7. Watch reality TV shows without wanting to eat my own head
Seven Things that Attract Me To Blogging:
1. I feel I can say whatever I like, whatever I deem appropriate, and I don't feel ashamed of it
2. It is something to do
3. Writing things down helps me to regain focus
4. Honesty and candour are met with enthusiasm and support. I find this somehow surprising. I would go so far as to say that it is somehow rebuilding my faith in people, and the capacity of people to be generous and loving (and, dare I say, affectionate) (there is going to be a reference to the "I don't feel any affection for you" comment in every post for as long as it takes me to forget about it) (which means that there will be a reference to it in every single post I write henceforth). Blanche DuBois is proven to be correct in the blogging age, as we all seem to rely more and more upon the kindness of strangers.
5. I love writing. I didn't know I loved writing this much before I started to blog, but I do. I knew I loved reading, but writing is so wonderful. I love using words I didn't know I knew. I can't think of which words I mean, but they are probably really impressive, important-sounding words, oh yes they are.
6. I get a massive kick out of making people laugh. I always have. I like making people laugh here. (Laugh, damn you. I need the validation and it is your job to provide it)
7. I feel like I am rehearsing for being honest, open and unguarded in real life.
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. "Oh my God." (usually in disgust, slightly murmured, and with the emphasis on the 'God')
2. "No affection for me? NO AFFECTION? Motherfucker."
3. "Why am I so tired?"
4. "Shall we get resonated?"
5. "Don't talk to me, I'm blogging."
6. Any swearword. Because I'm big and cool. My favourite is motherfucker. Bec says I say it really well, with just the right emphasis (I choose to put it on the 'fucker'). It's because I practice so much. And also am cool.
7. Nice things. I just read the list and I sound like a miserable bitch. I do actually say nice things, too. Like "You're very pretty" and "Can I hold your puppy, please, as it is very lovely!*"
*this is mainly, but not always, used as a euphemism.
I can't be bothered to do the rest of the thing as I am lazy and pick and choose the bits I want to participate in. I am very like that in life, as well as memes.
I now have a craving for Roast Beef and Mustard flavour Brannigan's crisps.
Last night I went out with my Mum in Covent Garden and we had a bottle of Champagne and then steak. Well, I had steak. She had something healthy and slimline because she is healthy and slimline also a nutritionist. I, however, almost never turn down the offer of free steak.
Tonight I fancy getting resonated but I am broke so cannot.
Woe is me.
Another pointless, meandering post for the collection, then.
Hope you're having a nice Wednesday.